I was telling someone that 2008 has been one of the most fulfilling and meaningful years in my very short existence. I never imagined that by obeying God and surrendering that one thing that was so important to me, He would bless me so much more in return. And now, presenting the most mind-blowing miracle that my awesome God has done on my behalf this year. This deserves to be on the Vox spotlight thing man.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” - 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NKJV)
Like my usual self, I was procrastinating again. My mum and I had a flight to catch to Hong Kong on the morning of 26th November and by the night before that, I still had not completed the essay portion of my application for the SAF Scholarship for Women, a scholarship that I would very much like to be awarded. The deadline had already been extended from the 24th of November to the 30th of November but yet, I found myself burning the midnight oil for something that was of such importance to me.
I finally completed my essay at around 2am, printed it out, and together with the other paper documents like my certificates and awards that were required for the application, I sealed them in an envelope to be mailed out later that day. I was also to submit my personal details via the online application portal. However, when I happily clicked the ‘Submit’ button, the screen froze for a while, and subsequently, an error message appeared, saying that there had been a certain database error. I wasn’t sure whether the submission had been successful and especially since I would only be back after the application deadline, I wanted to be sure my application was received punctually and hence, filled in the form all over again and resubmitted it. To my despair, the same error message appeared again, but because I still had another task to complete before I left the house at 7am, I had to leave it aside and move on before I ran out of time.
Somehow, by God’s grace, I finished everything I needed to, including having to pack my luggage within a very tight 15 minutes, and before we left the house at 7am, I specifically reminded our domestic worker to mail out the envelope as soon as possible.
At the airport, I called the MINDEF Scholarships Centre to find out if my application had been successfully received and just 1 hour before boarding, while walking around the departure area waiting for the flight, the scholarships officer, Shajee, informed me that there had been an apparent technical glitch, and my application had not been received on their side.
I PANICKED. Since I was due to fly back just one day after the application deadline, I asked if they could just possibly allow me to re-submit the online application late and hold on to the paper documents that I had mailed in first. It was then that I found out that there were 2 rounds of interviews – the mornings of the 1st and 12th of December, and I could not make it for both! The interview was at 930am on both mornings and on the 1st, my return flight would only touch down at 240pm, while the 12th was right smack in the middle of my mission trip to East Timor. I remember that when I was signing up for this mission trip, I said to Lala, my cell leader: ‘I think the interview dates for the scholarship will be around the time of this mission trip but I’m going to sign up anyway because after God has granted me this chance to go back to East Timor after 3 years of waiting, I just want to go in faith, knowing that He has perfect plans for me and ultimately, even if I don’t get the scholarship because I can’t make it for the interview, He is still the omniscient God, sovereign over my whole life and He knows that is best for me.’
Honestly I never imagined that what I said then – something I always knew but wasn’t very sure I could believe – would become so real in my life. And so there was only one possible option left – to somehow, make it back for the interview on the 1st. The next blow came when Shajee informed me that to be considered for the interview on the 1st, my application had to be in by that afternoon – the same afternoon that I was to land in Hong Kong! I had about 45 minutes before boarding and I had to think of a way, quickly, to get a set of the details I had submitted online and my paper documents to the MINDEF Scholarships Centre by 4pm! And just that morning, I had repeatedly reminded our domestic worker to mail out the envelope immediately after we left! I couldn’t believe that all this was happening.
You know, sometimes I never get why the Bible says that we must always always obey our parents because they just seem to be on different wavelengths from me, but on that morning, I was just so relieved, thankful and very grateful that I had listened to my mum the night before. Upon completing my application, she had insisted that I take screenshots of my entire online application, paste them onto a Word document and print it out. I complained and whined because it was a very tedious process and I thought it pointless, but under her insistence I did so grudgingly. Also, she had painstakingly photocopied a complete set of the paper documents that I was going to put inside the envelope – I did not understand why she had to go through so much unnecessary trouble, but ‘always keep copies of what you send out’, was the reply she gave me.
And because my mum had foresight, and undoubtedly, many more years of experience than I do, my youngest sister Delia, after arriving home from sending us off at the airport, was able to compile all the photocopies and the printout of my online application and give them to my Dad, who promptly delivered the entire package to the doorstep of the scholarships centre at 12pm, way before the deadline of 4pm. However, even after all this trouble that my family had gone through for me, I was not sure if I would be shortlisted for the interview because despite doing decently for the rest of my subjects for the Prelims, I had failed my H1 subject, Literature.
Upon touching down in Hong Kong, I received a message on my phone from Shajee saying that I was to be at the scholarships centre for the interview on the 1st of Dec at 930am. I was not sure what that meant, but when I called her from the Hong Kong airport, she confirmed that I had been shortlisted for the interview because to quote her, I had done ‘pretty well’. I was really lost for words! I had failed one subject and yet, this was happening? I definitely did not deserve the interview, but God, by His mercy gave me the chance anyway. Wow!
But it wasn’t the end. The interview was at 930am, but my flight was still scheduled to arrive Singapore at 240pm. It seemed impossible, especially so when my mum called SIA and found out that all the return flights before ours were entirely full, save for the flight that was going back the next day. I called Shajee to ask if I could perhaps be granted an interview in the afternoon but she said that the selection board was strictly to be held in the morning. At that moment, I just felt so lost. I felt so helpless, hopeless and totally despondent. Despite what I had said to Lala, deep down in my heart, I really wanted to make it for the interview even though it seemed as if God had other plans, and I really wanted the scholarship.
We were to go to Guangzhou from Hong Kong that afternoon to visit our relatives, stay there for 2 nights and then travel back to Hong Kong. But in light of the circumstances, I did not even have the mood to go to Guangzhou anymore because I just wanted to stay in Hong Kong where it was easier to remain contactable and connected so that we could access the Internet and perhaps, buy a one-way budget air ticket back to Singapore. My mum must have called SIA a million times after we landed in Hong Kong to inquire about available seats, but to no avail. Finally, my mum and I decided to go to Guangzhou anyway for the sake of it, whilst letting our minds rest on this matter for sometime and also, praying for available seats and seeking God’s wisdom.
Guangzhou was great, but we decided to go back to Hong Kong after 1 night anyway as we felt that getting a flight back as soon as possible was of more pressing importance than adhering to our original plans.
That night in Hong Kong, I called home to ask my sisters to check for email on my behalf, as Shajee mentioned that she had emailed me some details about the interview. There were two emails from Shajee – the earlier one stating that the interview was at 930am, and the later one detailing a change in the interview timing and that it had been postponed to 230pm! My heart skipped a beat. It seemed almost surreal. Shajee had been so insistent that the interview was strictly to be held in the morning but there was now a change in timing. This opened another option for a possible return flight back home – taking the first flight on the morning of 1st December itself. My mum immediately rang up SIA and by God’s amazing provision and sheer grace we managed to get seats on the 8am flight which would arrive back at 12 noon, with much time to spare before the interview at 2.30pm.
On the morning of 1st December however, God tested me once more when our 8am flight was delayed by about 1 and a half hours, but this time, I found myself to be less jittery and more trusting in Him after He brought me through that mind-blowing rollercoaster ride. With any further delays, I would risk being late for the interview. Thankfully though, the flight departed 1 and a half hours later as scheduled and I arrived for the interview just 5 minutes before the appointed time.
I have not received the results of the interview, but whatever the outcome is, scholarship or not, this experience has taught me so much about who God is. His timing and plans are so perfect, in a way that we least expect it, and He even gives us more than we ask for! For instance, I prayed and asked Him to give us seats on an earlier return flight back but He instead pushed back the interview schedule AND in addition, gave us the seats that we needed without having to cut short our holiday in Hong Kong. Also, I am truly awed by how much He loves me so unconditionally! The week before the trip, I was actually riding on the high of the end of my A Levels, and so I just put God aside and focused so much of my time on having material fun, forgetting about spending time with Him. But yet, when I asked Him for help in my distress, He listened and gave abundantly, unconditionally, not based on any merit of mine but by His complete grace, faithfulness, love and mercy. Even when we fail Him, He still loves us so much! 2 Corinthians 12:9 (The Message) sums up this whole experience perfectly - “…My grace is enough; it’s all you need…”.
I wrote this testimony on the night before I left for East Timor, so that was about 3 weeks ago.
The latest update is that, I GOT THE PROVISIONAL SCHOLARSHIP!
I still remember that on the day of the interview, I was so nervous and I felt so small in comparison to all the other interviewees who were from RJ and HC (mainly), NJ and ACS(I) (one each). It seemed as if God had brought me through such a tumultuous rollercoaster ride only to have it stop abruptly at the interview stage, and I felt utterly inadequate. But it is so important to realise that God is indeed all-powerful, and no plans of man, no weaknesses of ours and no scheme of the devil can ever prevent Him from working His plans in our lives, and after being granted the Provisional Scholarship, something I only imagined in my wildest dreams, I cannot say anything except to declare that my God is real, my God is amazing beyond any imaginable ability.
BMT to come in 11 days. Way to go! AAAB? I trust in my God.
I guess I shouldn't be blogging so much, but I really do need someplace to voice all that weighs so heavily on my mind. Anyway I just wanted to post up lyrics of a song that I found by chance on someone's blog, and after listening to the song on Youtube - these words are exactly what I need to encourage my despondent spirit - because honestly I'm very sick of studying, but yes, this is for a higher purpose. Sigh.
In my opinion Google Chrome is the hottest thing on the planet! =DDD
THANK YOU LORD.
For helping me through my UCAS application - from the personal details, to the all-important school choices and very importantly my personal statement! I can finally get it off my shoulders because I'm trusting in You!
To EB, UCL, QM, SH and NC: I hope you enjoy reading all about my dreams and aspirations! And please shut your eyes when they come across my predicted grade for Lit - rest assured that I'm doing something about it for the real final thing ><
Two weeks to A LEVELS.
Red, Blue, Gold.
Out of 446 school days, I was supposedly present on 435 days.
(I personally think it should be 440 days!)
I can't believe I've actually graduated.
Time flies.
Before long, I'll be wearing a mortar board.
I love AC forever.
He makes all things beautiful, in His time.
I'm frustrated. I'm stressed. I'm tired. And worst of all, I feel as if I won't be able to last any longer than this week.
Blame it on the weekend that just passed - it was so unproductive and full of unhappy moments that still linger and make me want to go ballistic. I always remind myself that I should cut down on lamenting about school as much as possible and try not to blurt out anything negative while with my classmates, but on Monday morning, I think the first thing that I said to Germaine was, "I don't wanna go to school..." with a whine like a baby pig. How childish.
And this week has been depressing. Honestly, even though it's for a good cause, I don't like having no money to spend in school and I absolutely hate the dual tortue of a growling stomach which has to go empty for 5 to 6 hours while trying to focus on doing my work without thinking about food or feeling sleepy. But I'm holding on. Making a good attempt to at least.
I can't feel God anywhere now.
I can't bring myself to see Him in the midst of my situation, telling me that everything is okay and under His control.
Life has just plopped a big pile of bird poo on my head =(
I want to be beautiful now.
It's probably really dumb to be blogging about this but I'm going to do so anyway, seeing as how my sisters and I now find no real interest in going down to the playground to carry lanterns, play sparklers and burn ants with candles, and our frolicking about with sparklers yesterday was just to help use up the last batch of them and perhaps, take a breather from our studies to enjoy like how we used to without worries before PSLE, EOYs and... As. Sigh.
The idea of playing sparklers again sounded fun, I guess, but I got bored almost immediately after we started and switched to snapping shots of my sisters after I burnt just 2 sticks. My maid and my mum joined us as long as their momentary desires to become children again lasted, and so for most of the time it was just us 3, appearing quite childish to the neighbours who walked through our play area cautiously to avoid being stung by random flying sparks of happy glistening light.
So that was yesterday, apart from my mission trip meeting (which left me with alot of doubts instead of the excitement which I was anticipating), cell (the atmosphere was just different - more open, yet more solemn and at times interspersed with amicable laughter but I enjoyed it all the same) and youth service (Steve Cioccolanti can be a model pastor - literally model-cum-pastor!).
Three words to sum up how I felt yesterday: Pardoned. Loved. Blessed. =)
And well, the day before yesterday, was, THE DAY.
As much as I'm disappointed and ashamed of myself for disappointing my parents and teachers, I can see God's power and grace through this experience. Like I was telling Lala after she asked me about my results, God multiplied my efforts on the parts I was able to manage to make up for the severe loss of marks on the parts I could not cope with so that the end result was not too low, or too high, but just average enough - to reflect the amount of effort I had put in. (In the post titled 'Unparalleled' after Econs Paper 1, I was talking about how God helped me so miraculously through the paper, and I testify and believe that He is the giver of the 26/30 on my first case study i.e. the part of the paper I completed! Thank you Lord!) And even though I am not that spectacular straight A student I envisioned myself to be, I thank God for everything and absolutely everything. In the midst of my U for Lit and a very shocking just-passed-grade for Math plus a very unpredictable future ahead indeed, I am grateful for the way He helped me handle the mental demands expected of me in the 3 weeks, and how He kept me healthy and well enough to sit for my papers without feeling shaky or die, or anything even close to that. I will also not forget that in a period when Murphy's Law was most bound to befall me and take me into a state of unwelcome panic, He went before me to ensure that I got to school on time, that my notes did not get stolen or soiled from flying into the drain, and that I always had my entry proof and ID with me and... There's so much more that I always take for granted and right now, all I want to do is to thank God for blessing my paths, and never failing me. Not even once. I do believe that He has great plans for my life.
As for the day before THE DAY, I am still too amazed to think about what God might have in store for my life. Timor Nite was inspiring, and it is really unbelievable that the love for Timor still grips my heart so firmly even long after that trip to beautiful Bobonaro in 2005, from December 6th - 13th. Can't possibly imagine how Timor will be like on her 41st birthday! Sometimes though, I wish my bestie or some close friend had this heart-blowing burden for Timor too, then I'd have someone whom I could just talk with day in day out about Timor Leste, and the ways we could serve her, and the mind-blowing change God will bring about in that beautiful land, and we could troop there together, if God intends, to help her grow, bud and blooooooomm!
My heart flutters. But anti-climactically and as always, I've got to study.
YAY WE GOT A WAFFLE MACHINE.
I haven't updated for such a long time - it must be the post exam bliss which has resulted in a happier me = not so frustrated = no need for purging of emotions = less need to blog.
I can't believe the holidays are ending though! My last holiday as an official student ends in 2 days! Time passes really quickly; I never imagined that I'd become so old so quickly, and I never really could comprehend fully the thought of not having to go to school too! And that all becomes reality in 2 months. Suddenly I feel quite sad that I've reached the end of education with uniforms and concession privileges.
Ahha, but then, that also means more cycling and basking in the sun to woo back my long-gone tan, which I definitely (why do people always spell it as 'definately'!) look forward to!
(goes off to complete September study schedule)
